Monday, February 1, 2010

How to ask for oral sex

A comprehensive guide for men and women

Advice for men:

Do: Be extremely nice for at least two full weeks prior to asking for oral sex.

Do: Gauge her mood carefully. Pick a day when she is feeling good.

Don't: Ask on a day that she has had a bad day at work, feels sick, had a bad talk with her mother, feels fat, hair didn't turn out right, feels bloated, is to cold/hot etc.

Do: consider giving her a nice present.

Don't: Attach the present to your penis.

Do: take her to dinner.

Don't: Take her to Red Lobster.

Do: When actually asking for oral sex, make every other word "please".

Don't: Phrase your question in a disgusting way. (ie. Can I wash out your mouth with my man soap?)

Do: Beg if necessary. (It will probably be necessary)

Don't: Wear that shirt that she hates because you were wearing it that time you were "acting like an asshole, in front of those stupid friends of yours".

Don't: Think you can get away with making out for a while, then pushing down on the top of her head.

Advice for women:

Do: Ask politely (asking impolitely is fine too)

Do: Point your finger in a downward direction.

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